The things one does with spare time!

I've just spent an interesting couple of hours chiseling chewing gum from the underside of redundant school science bench worktops! You might ask 'why' was I doing this? But don't, that bit isn't in the least interesting.  Suffice it to say that it needed doing!


The 'interesting' bit was what I learnt, or re-learnt, by doing the activity!


Lesson One - Science


The adhesive properties of chewing gum are astounding. After only a few days being stacked, some of the worktops needed to be prised apart using a crowbar. The net result of this was that I rapped my knuckles on the brick wall behind the desks and simultaneously brused my ribs as the wooden worktop was thrust, under my own weight, into my chest - thus proving (I think) Newton's second law of physics!


These desks have been out of circulation for about a year and, I'm guessing, some of the gum was deposited many years before.  Although the gum appeared to have gone quite solid, it would seem that, with only a small amount of pressure, its chemical balance shifts so that it softens just enough to form a new bond with whatever is lent against it.


In an equally fascinating discovery, I found that solid gum, once removed from its adherent surface and allowed to fall onto a dry floor, regains its elastic state so that it can re-attach itself to, for example, a passing shoe with the same verve.  In fact, I began to suspect that this gum had at least semi-biological properties as it appeared to move itself into places that had been clear of stickiness when I had last looked.


Lesson Two - History


I understand that these worktops have probably been in the same school for maybe 40 years or more. Even a cursory glance at the engravings, writings and drawings, acid burns, scorch marks and pitted surfaces, begins to unveil a picture of the generations of children who have sat or stood by these desks over the decades. Each succession of pupils learning important lessons such as 'How high will an up-turned petri dish fly if you fill it with gas from the bunsen burner and then set light to it?' and 'Will a single drop of sulphuric acid burn its way through both my pencil case and Kevin's new digital calculator?'


One person seemed to be using the time to revise for their history test about King Cnut.


Lesson Three - English


There were several reminders of the english alphabet to be seen in working language.  One example contained all of the letters in the correct sequence, all 25 (?) - who ever uses 'Q' anyway! One subscriber had presumably spent much of a lesson refining his skill in spelling the 'C' word - only getting it right six times out of seven (unless he was referring the same history test - see above). Possibly this was the person called Tom, who had to practice writing his own name four times!


However, the most impressive was the conjugation of the verb 'F**k' in the past perfect! Who ever said a comprehensive education was a waste of time!!


There is also one nod to English Literature.  In a clear reference to William Golding's 'Lord of the Flies', someone has etched 'Save Piggy!'


Lesson Four - Geography


Obviously Peruvian Studies must have been a part of curriculum at some point.  This is evidenced by the Nazca like scoring across many of the work tops.  No doubt etched with head firmly placed in the crook of an elbow, laid on the table top, so as to gain an authentic 'ground level' view as would have been the case for the Nazca people.


Lesson Five - Social & Gender Studies and Communication


There were the usual and ubiquitous declarations of love, friendship and distain, as well as random messages and references.  The gender of the writer could often be guessed by the style of entry:
Kirsty [heart] Sebastian
Melissa [arrow through heart] Cam
Georgina [two arrows through red heart] Oliver Sebastian (poor Oly, luck Seb!)
Smiffys [sic] a twat
Louis like willys [sic]
You smell! Ha ha!
Science is ........ ( I can't work out if the number of dots relates to a specific word)


Lesson Six - Art


Ah yes! What is it about teenagers that they need to depict male genitalia at any and all opportunity? By far the most prevalent artistic image is the caricatured interpretation of a penis. Graphically obvious though somewhat anatomically incorrect, these drawings are frequently cunningly disguised as a wide-eyes smiley face!

There are some quite well draw cartoon images as well. Along with a couple of outlined hands, one depicting painted nails and sporting a ruby on the ring finger - Georgina perhaps? 


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So that was my morning! A snapshot of life in a Winchester comprehensive and a reminder of my own youth, to a degree, if I'm honest. 


In the interest of safety and security and to protect the innocent (Ha, yeah!) I won't mention which school these desks came from. But, thank you to Michael, they have made me laugh. Once sold, the proceeds will be making their way back into the state education system to support the next generation of little darling's learning experience.


Don't forget, one of them could end up as your Prime Minister!!